Sunday, May 31, 2015

Shoot for the Moon

What a crazy whirlwind of activity this week and weekend has been.  One child graduating from elementary school, the other celebrating the huge milestone event of high school graduation.

I've been both looking forward to and dreading the end of this school year since it started because I'm constantly left wondering "where does the time go?"   

Several times this week, I found myself on the brink of tears...looking through old photos with Heron, flashing through the different memories in my head while driving down the road, standing in the bakery ordering her cake, seeing her name in print on the graduation program. 

Our oldest daughter...she makes me so proud to see how much she has already accomplished and what a close relationship her and I have.  But most of all, I am excited to see what else life has in store for her...and us! 

The only dark spot in the day was a huge hole in my heart knowing that this was a day, among many others, that my sister would never have wanted to miss.  

But looking around as the party was coming to a close, I took a moment to just to appreciate celebrating with so many people I love and having all three of our children (and a daughter-in-law) under the same roof for the weekend...and I realized just how blessed I truly am.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

"A Place in My Heart"

VULNERABILITY...a word that has cropped up in a couple blogs here recently.  Whew...this is something I can identify with greatly at the moment.  And along with this extreme sense of vulnerability has come a whole host of emotions that have quite frankly caught me VERY off guard.

While I've learned that I can completely expose and trust Heron with my vulnerability, my life is changing and I am not used to trusting anyone else with that part of me.  Honestly, I have NEVER been able to fully trust anyone else, except Him.  But I shared something special with Chrysalis, exposed a part of myself and then that feeling of intense vulnerability set in.  Plain and simple, it scared the crap out of me.  I can be a bit cynical anyways, always believing that at some point, when something is too good, the other shoe is bound to fall.  So I resorted to what I used to do best and that was to push people away.  It’s what I do in a great effort to protect myself.  And once I begin frantically constructing my fortress, it's REALLY hard to stop. 

In my last post I said "we are all real people, with real emotions that can get caught up in the mix".  This is so very true...probably even more so than I realized when I wrote that post.  A bit of foreshadowing I suppose or perhaps I could already feel what was happening.

After the high of our threesome experience, the crash came.  The "oh my gosh...I just did that" moment hit and it hit hard.  Heron had experienced some of His own issues but had worked through it pretty early on and quickly.  For me, it took several more days for things to bubble to the surface. The three of us (myself, Chrysalis, and her husband) were to meet for more of the same this past Saturday but I knew my head was not in the right place.  Heron could see what was happening, the turmoil between my heart and my head.  I'm also sure He knew where it was coming from but He supported and encouraged me to do what I thought was best for ME.  So, I cancelled our weekend plans. There were a couple other things (discussions) that had happened earlier in the week that I was still grappling to fully understand.  Compound all of that with the ridiculous emotions of PMS, and well what we had brewing was a recipe for disaster. 

I withdrew so hard and so fast, I left everyone's head spinning in the wake.  Chrysalis and I had been very open and honest about some things, including our feelings for each other and that left me feeling extremely vulnerable and terrified of being hurt or hurting anyone else.  Things had moved quickly, very quickly in some respects and I needed to catch my breath.  And while I desperately feared losing her, I also needed to re-establish that I had come into this desiring more of a one-on-one situation with her.  What the three of us shared was awesome and I am certainly open to doing it again at some point, but I felt it important to stay true to my original intentions.   

So it was quite a roller coaster for a few days and mentally exhausting.  This week, we have backed up a bit, just spent some time reconnecting as friends first.  Her and I went for a really nice hike on Memorial Day Monday and met for lunch yesterday.  Just being around her always makes me peaceful and happy. We've spent a lot of time talking about our past, and I think we both have a greater understanding and appreciation for how and why we react to certain situations. 

And the rest...well it's slowly falling back into place but she's letting it flow at my pace right now. 

The moral of the matter how ready you think you are...there may very well be some unexpected emotions.  But Heron has been there every step of the way while I process all of this and if it's even possible, I think we are even stronger for it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

A Time of Firsts

Honestly, I don't even know where this post should start.  

I have wanted to blog, but quite honestly, things have not only been extremely busy in the vanilla side of life but in other aspects of my life as well.  Changes have been rapidly happening and there have been some twists and turns I didn't really see coming.   

People within the lifestyle tend to use the word "play".  Heron and I talked about this concept yesterday and He firmly believes there is no play in what we do, particularly when it comes to others being involved.  I have come to respect and greatly understand His point of view.  We are all real people, with real emotions that can get caught up in the mix.

It's very tricky terrain to navigate, particularly when not having driven on this road before.

Things have escalated pretty quickly and I've had some very amazing experiences, many "firsts", but I do not have a single regret.  Not only have I now experienced my first complete sexual encounter with a woman, but it was also within the framework of a threesome. For those of you wondering, the third was not Heron.  It was Chrysalis's husband.

I was given to the both of them under the fabric of Heron's control, with an abundance of communication between the three of them in regards to expectations and limits.  I cannot stress how much communication this whole process is requiring for all of us, both before but then mostly after.        

Another development in all of this...Heron and Chrysalis are working together and it seems that she is slowly but surely taking an authoritative role with me.  This has been both fun and challenging.  I realize it's going to be quite interesting to learn how to balance my submission to both of them. 

Where is all of this going? 

We can only take it one day at a time and embrace each adventure as it comes.    

So...have I just blown your mind?  It sure has blown a good way of course:)

I'm grateful to Heron for encouraging me in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways to embrace my deepest desires and fantasies. His expectations of me have prepared me well. 

And for those of you wondering...yes, experiencing a threesome and having sex with a woman was everything I hoped it would be and maybe even more!!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Lunch Breaks

The last month or so with, all the new things going on, I have tried very hard to remember that my responsibilities to Heron come first and foremost.  He's been very patient and understanding of the times that I am somewhat distracted but I have also tried extra hard to make sure that I am not letting any of my duties here at home slide.

He's been keeping track and during the month of April, his only complaint...I had forgotten to shine his shoes several weeks in a row.  So, I knew I was due a punishment for that...just didn't know when to expect it.

Tuesday morning, Heron called me at work and asked me to come see him at lunch.  As soon as I arrived at His office, He closed the door behind me and wasted no time in walking around from behind His desk to where I was standing.  He quickly lifted my shirt over my head, took off my bra, and dropped my pants and panties until they were nothing but a pile covering my high heels.

Backing me up against the door, He removed the suit jacket on the coat hook.  Apparently, He was already prepared with one of His ties, fashioned into handcuffs. He slid them over my wrists, tightening each side and then pulled my arms up over my head, looping the middle part of the tie over the hook.

Hanging there with my nose pressed against the door, I couldn't tell what punishment implement He was holding and at first. He only teased my body.  Pressing Himself up against me, I could feel the bulge already forming in His pants and I pushed back against Him with my ass just to torment Him in return.  His breath danced on my neck as he played with my pussy and asked if I knew what I was being punished for.

He finally backed up and said that I would get three licks with the cable cord, one for each week I had forgotten His shoes.  He also reminded me to be quiet as there were people in offices on either side of us.

It stung but I was thankful for it being only 3 licks.  Apparently, this was meant to be more of a "reminder" than a true punishment. It was over before I knew it and He turned me around, with my arms still secured high above my head.  He continued tormenting and teasing my body, which was perhaps the greatest punishment of all when He abruptly stopped and told me to get dressed so we could eat our lunch.    

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Who Takes Care of You

For whatever reason, I have found this post to be by far one of my hardest to write.  It's been all up in my head but the whole evening still seems almost surreal, making it really hard to find my words and do it the justice it deserves. 

Honestly, I never thought making out with a girl would feel..and natural.  Damn! I never expected to enjoy it so much.  For years, I built things up in mind to believe that maybe, just maybe, some things were better left to fantasy. 

So with that...I'm sorry it took so long..hope you enjoy!

Chrysalis and I sat on opposite sides of the hot tub still enjoying our drinks, still talking.  But I couldn't help notice the occasional bump of our legs under the water.  Getting out of the water a couple of times to refill drinks and cool off, I found myself now very comfortable moving around in front of her completely nude.  We talked about our bodies, discussed the meanings of our tattoos, and plenty of other "stuff".

At one point while we were relaxing, she noticed I was favoring one side of my neck. Turning my body away from her, she started massaging me. With a perfect touch, not too hard and not too soft, she slowly began working out the knots in my shoulders and neck.  Her hands eventually traveled down the length of my back, dipped under the water and focused on my low back and glutes.  The tension in my muscles was melting away.  However, each time she brushed against me with her body, I could feel a different type of tension building.

I am certainly not the expert that she is but I offered to return the favor.  It was such a wonderful and organic way to begin the exploration of her body in a non-sexual way.  I've said before that I am not much of a touchy-feely person so I wasn't sure if I would enjoy touching someone in this way, much less how it would feel touching a woman.  I had really feared that it would just be awkward, but she has this way about her that makes me feel safe, free to open up, and be myself.   

Her skin was so soft and inviting and the curves of her body fascinated me.  Eventually, we went back to talking but seemed to be gravitating around to the same side of the tub until we were more face to face.  With my arm draping over hers and our legs overlapping,  I found it impossible not to stroke her arm, but couldn't bring myself to make any other move.

The conversation drifted off and our eyes locked in that "we know what comes next kind of way".  Thankfully, she had the courage that I didn't have. 

And that is how the kiss began...the first time I have ever kissed a girl.  She leaned forward, bringing my face towards her, and started by brushing her lips against mine. The intensity in the kiss continued to grow but was still a soft and slow exploration.

Now with our bodies pressed together, our hands began tracing the curves of each others bodies.  I moved away from her lips to kiss the soft flesh along her neck, completely intoxicated each time I sensed her breathing change. As her hand moved under the water, lightly brushing against my most sensitive spot, I could feel my body already quivering with anticipation.
Eventually my fingers followed her lead as I gently traced the outline of her opening just before finally moving inside her softness.

Learning someone's body is never an easy thing, particularly when you have been with the same person for a very long time.  And yes, we as females have the same parts and know what feels good to ourselves, but we are also complicated creatures. Each one of us is unique and responds differently and I was so completely lost in this desire to explore every inch of her to figure out what she responded to.

Her fingers continued working, coaxing me closer and closer to the point of no return, until I asked her permission for my pleasure just as I would with Heron.

After coming back down to earth, we continued touching and playing until the water around us had gotten cold.  We hopped out and went upstairs to try out a new toy that she had recently bought for herself.  And while my fingers didn't get the job done quite as well as hers had for me, anyone who's read here long enough, knows that I can most definitely WORK a damn Hitachi!

As I crouched over her on the bed, she looked at me and let out a gasp, throwing her hand over her mouth. I thought for sure she had seen something crawling on me.  Half laughing and half worried, she blurted out that I had a mark on me.  Running to the mirror, I looked and then we were both laughing.  I remembered her "nipping" my neck at one point, but never thought it would have been enough to leave a bruise. Obviously, neither did she.    

Crawling back between her legs, I turned on the Hitachi and rubbed it in slow circles over her.  Before long, I recognized the tell-tale signs as her back began arching and her hands each grabbed a fist full of sheets around her.   

Never in all my life, have I watched something so erotic.  Seeing a woman completely lost and enjoying the moment is amazingly hot and I found myself instantly aroused again.  I've always heard women can just keep going with each other for hours.  I now have no doubt as to why. 

Even though it was a fairly tame night...we were both returning to our men with proof of the fun we had.  Not only was I showing up at home with a hickey on my neck, but her husband was coming home to a soaked bed. 

Guess I finally found my words...:)