Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Embracing "The Girl"

As a child, I was always very adult like, partly because I was mature for my age, but mostly just because this was expected of me. Not that my childhood was horrible. But being "a child" was discouraged. I also grew up believing that I didn't have a voice, that I was responsible for others happiness, and I always had to be strong.

As an adult, life has dealt some pretty shitty blows. This is no different than anyone else, I realize that. But it's always been my job to hold it all together - be strong for everyone around me. Even when I wanted and needed to be the one to fall apart.

As a slave, I understand that sometimes I still don't have a say. And while I may not be responsible for His happiness, I am responsible for being pleasing by doing what is expected. At times, being a slave requires a strength that I feel I have acquired over my lifetime.

But for the first time in my life, I have finally accepted that someone else can and wants to take care of me in return. It's okay to feel small, to let down your walls, to allow yourself to feel just a bit needy. There is safety and security in trusting someone so completely.

Finally, I am learning to embrace "the girl" I never was.

11 comments:

  1. Hi lg

    I love that you have found that loving space where you can truly be vulnerable, but not be fearful of being exploited or taken advantage of.

    The solace and comfort in that space is something to rejoice in.

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    1. Hi DtBHC! Always wonderful to hear from you. You are absolutely right. It is something very special to be in that place. It took many years for me to recognize that it was really there ask along though.

      xx

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  2. Are you sure "It's okay to feel small, to let down your walls, to allow yourself to feel just a bit needy"?? Sometimes it doesn't feel okay!

    I know it is okay, honestly I do, but...

    Thanks for writing this--I needed it.

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    1. Hey Misty! It really is so hard to accept that we are worthy of that kind of love isn't it? So glad I wrote this and that it came at a time that you needed to hear it. xo

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  4. Posting from my phone is always a chore!

    Like Misty, I needed to read this today. It can be so difficult to remember that our times of need are not a weakness.

    You are a strong woman and a strong slave/sub to Heron. And you are more than deserving of being cared for! XOXO

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    1. Oh, Pearl... You are so right... It's not weakness. But it's easy to get caught up in taking care of everyone else that we often forget to take care of ourselves and even when we do, we feel guilty for not being able to "deal" with it all.

      Thank you my sweet friend for your kind words. I am finally realizing that he really wanted to take care of me all along. Somehow, in the early years, I lost sight of that.

      Hope you are doing well. Hugs and kisses back to you xoxo!

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  5. So glad you are letting Him take care of you. I could have written this post, except the last part. I haven't accepted. I try but I fight it.

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    1. I feel you... It's a hard thing to accept and look it only took me about 20 years. Lol

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  6. Such a beautiful post my friend. So happy for you!

    Hugs

    SHIP

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