Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part II

As He lay on top of me, He gently eased Himself in and the slow, steady thrusts quickly made my blood boil.  Partially lost in the feeling, partially in thought, then I noticed He stopped almost completely. "How many strokes do you think it will take?", He asked.

"What??  I have no idea!!" 

Of course, I didn't say this but the only number my brain could come up with was 500 so that was what I told Him.  I was thinking this would be how many strokes He would allow before He stopped and if I hadn't reached climax by then, it would be too bad for me.  However, He proceeded to explain each stroke represented a minute and each minute represented the amount of time I will spend being humiliated by wearing, or not wearing, what He chooses at the public place of His choosing.  Urrrggg....really I have no idea where He comes up with this stuff!  Nevertheless, I really need to get off so I agree to His terms and try to put it out of my mind for the moment. 

At first, He insisted that I count out loud.  As this was really distracting, He offered to keep count quietly for me.  The first one hundred went by in the blink of an eye.  Between 200 and 400, there were several times when I was very close but He would quicken His pace knowing that I usually cannot finish at that speed.  Pretty unfair if you ask me but then again...who's asking?  LOL When my body finally gave in to Him, the count was...519.  Pretty close to my estimate:)  His orgasm came as He was telling me exactly what He had planned for my public outing the following day.

I quickly started doing the math in my head because I really dislike this form of humiliation above any other that I have experienced thus far.  For those of you not wanting to do the math, 519 minutes is just a little over 8 1/2 hours!!

The next day, which was this past Tuesday, I was told to wear my very short blue jean shorts, tank top (no bra and slightly see-through), slutty heels, big hoop earrings, and whore red lipstick.

If you happened to see this at one of your local stores the other day...it may have just been me;)

 
Once I arrived at the store, I was to text Him so He could give me further direction becasue He was still driving home from work.  The following is out text exchange:   

little girl:  Well, I am here Sir 6:09pm
Master: Walk through the front, then go try something on and send a photo
Master: Must use good posture!
little girl: sent pic, shall I put my clothes back on?
Master: Bring yourself close to orgasm    (this was incredibly exciting...definitely my favorite part)
little girl: Already done Sir   
Master: Get dressed and walk around the gaming section
Master: Strut it!
Master: Move to the sporting good section.
Master: Stop where you are, drop your keys, keep your legs straight, bend over and pick them up.
little girl: I did that Sir.
Master: Go through sporting goods 6:39 pm

After wandering sporting goods trying to distract myself by looking for supplies for our upcoming camping trip, He appeared.  I had a feeling He had maybe been in the store the whole time...especially when He told me to mind my posture and drop my keys.  He was pretty good at hiding because I looked for Him.  When He appeared in the aisle, just the sight of Him put me at ease. 

We spent about 30 more minutes walking around the store before Master decided it was time to go.  But not before, handing me a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and ordered me to go pay. 

So one hour of my time has been satisfied but I was to understand that this was to be the most conservative outfit He would chose.  Honestly, the part that bothered me the most was the heels.  The shoes with the shorts screamed stripper, slut, whore...whatever you want to call it.  I tried not to worry about the looks. Some people looked, some looked hard, some looked disgusted, but I was thankful for the ones that didn't look at all!  I don't foersee that I will ever get comfortable with this type of humiliation...it's just something that I submit to because it is asked of me and it pleases Him. 

It's kind of funny and coincidental, I received a message the day after this from someone on Fetlife who kindly reminded me that my embarrassment, degradation, and humiliation are not my responsibility.  Once asked to do these things, the burden of that responsibility rests with Master.  I have heard these same words from my own Master but it was extrenely nice and very timely to have received that reminder. 

Oh, I almost forgot the last and maybe the best part of my assignment...driving home topless!  Surprisingly this was easier than walking around the store.  I will just assume no one was able to see inside the truck since it sits so high and I don't think I caused any wrecks:)

Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part I

Summer has started, kids are out of school, and as if finding time for training and play wasn't hard enough before, I fear it is going to be even more challenging in the weeks ahead. 

Nevertheless, I was being punished last week for my last transgression...orgasm without permission,  which I wrote about in "My Pleasure is Not my Own".  My Master has a couple of things in His arsenal that He just loves to use above all others, mainly because He is getting a much better feel for my likes and dislikes. Of course, the ones I don't like are top of the list when He is developing some devious punishment scenario.

He informed me that I was to bring myself to orgasm 6 times daily, each time stopping just at just the moment before climax.  Monday through Thursday were fairly uneventful despite my constant aching down below, but I was determined to take my punishment and be thankful it wasn't worse (oh, was I wrong in that assumption).  Some days it was requested that I wait and perform in front of Him...a little more distracting and time consuming, but very erotic I admit. Lying there knowing that my only reason for displaying and touching myself is for His viewing and pleasure has gone from awkward to HOT!  As is always expected, I also worked to ensure His sexual satisfaction by using my mouth on Him whenever He so desired. 

I was in a good frame of mind but by Friday, my resolve was beginning wear thin and by the end of the day had completely fallen apart at the seams.  I could barely tolerate touching myself and stopping my orgasm was nearly impossible a couple of times.  The only thing holding me back was the thought of how harsh that punishment would be.  Early in the evening, our older kid took the younger one to the pool and to my delight Master decided to fit in some training time.  Standing completely naked in the middle of the room, I demonstrated each position I am expected to know, and was swiftly corrected for each imperfection with a smack of the riding crop. 

Ordering me to the bed, He proceeded to use each of my three holes for his own pleasure.  I was in heaven!  After not being touched all week, everything was mind blowing, especially the anal sex (which was by far the best experience to date).  Then, what happens in the midst of it all?  The kids come in from the pool, knock at the bedroom door, and for some reason they want to eat dinner:)  What can I say?  Game over for the time being. 

As the evening went on, my frustrations were starting to build.  I knew my tone was getting just a tad snippy, and when He corrected me the tears came along with the big lump that rose from my chest to my throat.  Damn!  I was so mad at myself letting that happen.  I knew He wasn't happy with my crying and I really tried to stifle it as quickly as I could, apologizing and explaining that I have no outlet for any of my emotions.  I can't scream and yell...that will get me in trouble.  I can't have an orgasm...that will get me in trouble.  I hadn't been paddled or had any other physical release through pain.  I know He understood as He listened but it didn't change the fact that the only thing I would be granted was to swallow his come that night...and the next...and the next.

Now, finally after a full week, on Monday I was given the opportunity to prove how badly I needed  sex but there was also going to be a price I would pay for the privilege to enjoy it fully.  I started by licking and caressing His cock while begging for Him to use me like a "fuck doll".  His response was something to the effect of "Are you ready to earn your sex by enduring a lot of pain?"   Uhhh...Yes...PLEASE!!  Then, He listed the implements that I was to collect and bring to Him for use on my tits and nipples. 

Needle nose pliers
Wire coat hanger
Cable loopy
Clover clamps and all the weights

Oh, this was quite a list and I wasn't at all convinced I was going to enjoy this play, but I wasn't going to risk losing out on my chance.  So, I reminded myself that "He will not give me more than I can handle" and I jumped up to go collect the items requested.  When I returned, He ordered me to get spread eagle on the bed and He shoved a gag in my mouth. Admittedly, I was a bit terrified as He started mashing each of my nipples and clit with the pliers until I let out a squeal behind the gag.  He picked up the coat hanger and I felt several stinging smacks across my nipples and a couple whacks on my pussy.  None of it really was intended to hurt badly but if this was fear play, He was doing a good job. 

Before I knew it, I heard everything being put away, His body pressed on top of mine as He explained that my willingness to endure all that said enough and how pleased He was with me. 

Sigh of relief...Whew!!  There is something to be said for trust:) 

I am pleased to say that I did in fact earn some awesome sex but there was still a little matter of the price to be paid for my orgasm and that part of my story will have to be continued... hopefully tomorrow.

Regrets and Redemption

There was a thread on Fetlife the other day that struck such a deep chord in me.  I wrote a short reply on the topic but really felt like I had so much more to say.  It was about "regrets" you have had since being introduced to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle.  Unfortunately, I think I could write a book on the ups and downs (well, mostly downs) we have faced through our marriage on this topic prior to my commitment into submission.

I was only 19 when we met in college and I had very little experience sexually, and none that I had enjoyed before Him.   We instantly fell in love but I had just come out of a VERY controlling relationship which ended traumatically.  Unfortunately, the unresolved issues that I would be left to cope with would haunt us for years to come...we just didn't realize it yet. 

Fast forward, a couple of years through dating and wedding.  It wasn't long after we were married that I realized my Master might be bent a little differently when it came to sex.  He was and is really quite conservative and shy.  So, when this kinky side of Him appeared, I really didn't know what to think and quite honestly, it scared me.  I was also angry at Him for not sharing this with me before we were married.  Regardless of how I felt, I tried for Him.  I let Him tie me up, spank me a little, or use clothespins on my nipples.  It always ended up the same way...with me in tears and feeling horrible about myself.  Even just listening to Him call me dirty names left me feeling dead inside for days afterwards.  My fear of being out of control absolutely brought out the worst in me and I began to shut down in our marriage.  The feeling that we could never make each other happy consumed me and after a couple of years, I chose to leave Him.  Obviously, we got back together or that would be where my story ends:) I did come to my senses and return to Him after about a year but it was on vanilla only terms.

After several more years, the topic of kink started coming back into the picture.  I could feel He wasn't completely connected to me physically and we would hash it out every 6 months or so.  It was always the same discussion and it was so painful for both of us.  I needed more attention and affection but He couldn't give it to me.  The only way He could hold back His dominant tendencies was to hold back completely. The sex was still good, but the true passion was missing. 

Funny thing was, at this point, on rare occasions, I actually liked the thought of being spanked and and tied up.  I tried to convince Him that maybe we could do it "when I felt like it" and was hurt when He explained that it couldn't work like that for Him.  This didn't make any sense to me...why did it have to be all or nothing?  This line in the sand left me feeling completely inadequate and angry.  Rather than educating myself of the subject and trying to understand Him better, I lashed out with horrible and hurtful things that made Him feel less of a person...and worse...less of a man.  I told Him that there was something wrong with Him, that what He wanted from me "wasn't normal", and was abusive.  Oh God...it makes me sick now thinking what I did and how horrible I was.  And He loved me anyway!   

But this was case closed for Him and I was assured under no circumstances would it ever be brought up again. 

So, how did we get to where we are now?  Luckily, I was ready to finally let go of my control issues.  My past was just that...my past...not my future.  That lesson didn't come easy though, it was through the loss of someone very close to me.  I was thankful for the good man, family and life I had but the sex left alot to be desired.  So, during sex, my mind started taking me to places I had never been before but I was so ashamed and kept these thoughts to myself for a long while. 

Then, I discovered erotic books and found that my fantasies of being "taken" against my will, being held down and fucked by multiple men and women, and so on and so on...wasn't so abnormal.  Not that I necessarily want these things to happen in real life, but it was a sure sign my inner submissive was screaming to come out!  I also could finally appreciate the fantasies and needs my Husband had all along.  I couldn't get enough...reading story after story.  I don't know if it was the books or if I was just hitting my sexual prime but my libido kicked into overdrive and I was turned on like never before.  I got the nerve to talk with Him about my fantasies and told Him I was really ready to try it His way.  Of course with my previous behavior, who would have blamed Him for being hesitant.  Thankfully, He got on board with the idea pretty quickly! ;-) 

Well, kinky quickly turned into full time D/s and even though we have hit a few bumps in the road, we haven't looked back since.  I think I mentioned it in my post Surrendering Control, the key for me to submit in the bedroom was submission in all things first.  We finally figured out where we were going wrong after all those years!  He just hates that we wasted so much time.  Although, I don't know if, even willingly, I could have handled Him as a younger and much more energetic sadist!   

Now, since I spent the first 20 years being a complete ass about His needs, I only hope to spend the next 20 years making up for it by being everything He ever needed me to be...the best submissive possible.  That will be my redemption:)