Monday, December 8, 2014

He Is My Constant

I hated that I haven't posted in a little while.  Guess with the holiday season quickly approaching, time is getting away from me and so are the number of shopping days for that matter. 

Admittedly, I have just felt a bit down in the dumps lately.  The Christmas spirit has been slow to make a move on me this year.  It's not that I am a bah-hum-bug or anything.  Really, I do love the holidays.  Spending time with the people that are important to me is what I love.

What I find frustrating is that the important things tend to get lost with the hustle to run from one gathering to another and frantically shop for presents.  Well, you all know the drill.

Every year, I tell myself I will start earlier next year but late fall is absolutely the busiest time of year at work so it just never seems to happen. 

The holidays are also just a sad reminder of a huge gap in my life and a reminder that my family is broken in so many ways.  Not mine and Heron's relationship and our kids, but the family I grew up with.  Gatherings are forced and awkward, never warm and loving, never full of laughs and great memories.

Something else that hasn't helped is that we are now in the fifth year of my mother living with us.    Apparently, this year she decided to start decorating MY house her way...which hasn't helped my frustration level one bit. I did say that I was extremely controlled as a child, right? And now that she's trying to do it in my own house...well, let's just say, I have honestly been about to blow a gasket. 

Heron is wonderful though.  He is the constant in my life.  And when all else is haywire, it's His love, support and guidance that keeps me sane.   

So finally, yesterday I forced myself to get my decorations out and take over what had already been started.  The house looks beautiful and I'm feeling more in the spirit. 

Now, if I could just get motivated to finish the shopping!!  


  1. I so feel you on this!

    Try not to focus on what it once was, or what it wasn't, or what it isn't...just get through it and be happy your kids have something much better.

    I won't go into my current mother frustrations, but I will say I'm happy that I live 1300 miles from her.

    I still having shopping to do as well. Sigh. Not looking forward to it 'at all'.

    Hang in there!!

    1. Don't you just hate finding mistakes in your comments after you've clicked publish?!

    2. Sorry to hear you have similar frustrations. You're right though. It is what we make of it and I just need to focus on enjoying what it is. I'm still haven't made a dent in the shopping!!

  2. Sending hugs. I certainly can empathize with you. Our family is also broken on both sides - his and mine. You have to be a wonderful daughter and Heron a wonderful son in law to have taken your mom in. This is a conversation we've been bouncing around since my mother's health has declined. Be sure to take care of yourself, it's the caregivers who never seem to do what they need to do for themselves and put everyone else first. Between work, the children and your mom, it's so important to make time for you. You are so lucky to have his strong support and love. I have to say that once I got the house decorated the holiday spirit came over me. As for the shopping, I think this weekend will be spent on line ordering things as I have no desire to go to the mall or box stores. Take care.

    1. Well, I don't know about wonderful daughter. I feel horrible because I have grown more and more intolerant towards her lately. And Heron, well, god bless him for being so supportive. It isn't an easy situation. And you are right...I do try to remember to take time for myself but it seems there is only so much time in the day. I wish you the best in deciding if and when you need to move your mother in. I always assumed the time may come, I just didn't think it would happen so early (while I was still raising kids).

      Good luck on your shopping. I think this will be my weekend to get it all done as well.