Monday, March 25, 2013

Surrendering Control

This post is dedicated to the Luna Blog Hop Challenge "Dominant Personalities in Submissives".  It is my story of why I made the choice to surrender control and become a submissive wife.

Submitting...not just my body, but also my mind and soul, to another person is my testament of strength.

On the outside, it appeared I had it all…a devoted and loving husband, nice home, kids, pets, powerful career but inside something was missing and I was drowning. My need for control was taking its toll on me, my relationships, and now my marriage. The bedroom was the only place my husband (now Master) had asked for control but I even fought that. I knew his tendencies towards dominance, but I insisted on living within my comfort zone. Experiences in my life had taught me letting anyone have control was weakness! And to keep the peace, He chose to repress what we fondly refer to as the “beast”.

After twenty years together, I finally realized to achieve true happiness within myself and a deeper more sustainable connection within my marriage, something (or someone) had to change. I guess maturity, along with lots of brick walls, showed me that I couldn’t control everything in my life, nor did I want to anymore. And the only person I could change was me. So, I made a commitment to trust and surrender. While the change started in the bedroom, it quickly morphed into a complete power exchange of all things in our relationship.

Not only did our increase in "play" rouse my sexual appetite which had previously seemed dormant, but gradually, my overall behavior and attitude began to change. The weight of trying to control everything was lifted, my patience level increased, and I felt much calmer inside. I was no longer lashing out at the people I loved the most and then carrying the guilt afterwards for doing so. I worked to find more effective ways to communicate with my Master, which transcended into better communication with everyone around me.

Now, I am not going to claim this change is always easy. I do still have an independent attitude which presents challenges along the way for both me and my Master. For me, it is learning to do without hesitation and question. For my Master, it is finding control and patience with my antics. My nature is to question everything and, in many cases with Him, is my way of trying to weasel out of something that I am not comfortable with. Acceptance, when my Master is pressing my deepest boundaries, is something I am still working on. It is beginning to come easier by continually reminding myself that He will see to my well being and not put me in harm’s way. I am His most precious belonging after all.

Another challenge is changing roles between work and home. To make this transition easier, my first task when leaving work each day is to call my Master on the drive home. I always greet him with “Hello, Sir” and this immediately helps reset my focus. This phone call is also an opportunity to vent about whatever happened during the day so it’s not part of our life at home. I, once, made the mistake of forgetting to call. Trust me, after that spanking I will not forget again…at least anytime soon!

Now, I cannot speak for all or even most women, but how many of us have run around, doing everything and complaining that we “have to do it all”?  Or how many women live a life of the same, once in a while boring sex, but secretly daydream of just being grabbed by the hair, thrown down, and taken! Shall I dare say, in many cases our need for control was to blame? I believe that a man that is made to feel like he can’t take charge, WON'T. Thus, the process of mentally and physically “checking out” of the relationship begins for both partners.

Bottom line, I am not a submissive person by nature. I made a choice to surrender for our mutual happiness because I love, trust, and respect my Master. My encouragement comes in knowing that my service and submission makes Him happy. In turn, He is fully engaged in our relationship in a way that I have not experienced throughout our whole life together; and therefore, I am happy.



  1. I too have gone through most of the self-reflection and new feelings about surrender and submission that you discuss. It has been a battle for me also. Great blog hop entry.


    1. Thank you! I had a good time working on it and looking forward to the next one.

  2. I know it can be hard to go from work mode to sub mode. I think a lot of folks struggle with that. I'm a stay at home doggy mom and I still struggle with it.

    1. Thanks for the post. I guess whether we stay at home or work, that transition is difficult. I have 3 dogs myself and let me just say that they tend to stress me more than anything else in my day:) I hope you don't mind but I checked out your blog as well. I love that we can reach out and find people like us as a support system!